As long as I can feel you holding on
by Gleelover113
Summary: NYADA Student Rachel Berry finally has vacation. Three weeks without her horrible dance instructor! But then she meets Finn Hudson and learns that he is a soldier on home leave and has to return to Iraq soon. In the short time they have they develop a magical and love filled romance but FInn has to go back eventually. And with that, a hard and desperate time for both of them begins
1. Three Weeks

**Hi. This is a random idea I had last night when I couldn't fall asleep. I thought about it for a while and this story is the result of it :) English isn't my native language so I apologize in advance for grammar or spelling mistakes**

**Glee (sadly) isn't mine ;)**

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„We're free! Free for three entire weeks!" Kurt screamed as soon as they had left the NYADA building. He flung his arms around Rachel and hugged her tightly.

"Yeah, I know. Unbelievable, right?" she beamed and hooked her arm with Kurt's.

"Three weeks without being tortured by Miss July" Kurt sighed and smiled contently.

"She's disgusting" Rachel and laughed as she realized that she won't see her horrible dance instructor for three entire weeks. Rachel and Kurt were sophomores at NYADA and Rachel actually enjoyed college, it really was funny most of the time, except for dancing lessons with Cassandra July. She was a monster and took every opportunity to humiliate Rachel. She tortured Kurt as well but not as much as Rachel. They both had hated each other since day one.

"Want a coffee to celebrate?" Kurt asked and grinned.

"Sure" she replied and they left the campus, walked around a few corners and finally reached their favorite coffee shop.

"A black coffee with two pieces of sugar?" Kurt asked and Rachel nodded. He knew her too well. Then Kurt lined up in the queue and Rachel looked for a free table. After she had sat down on a table in the corner of the room she started watching Kurt. They had met in junior year of high school and had been best friends ever since. Back then they both had been some freaky outsiders and they had met in Glee Club. They had liked each other instantly and because they both had pursued more or less the same aim (becoming a famous Broadway star) they had decided to move into an apartment together after graduation.

"Your coffee, ma'am" Kurt said as he placed a hot mug full of steaming black coffee in front of Rachel.

"Thank you, mister" she said. Kurt took a seat across from her and after he had taken the first sip of his cappuccino he instantly took out his phone and stared at the display lovingly.

"Seriously, Kurt?" Rachel said. Kurt snickered.

"Don't be jealous, Rachel" he said.

"I'm not" she defended herself in a fake offended voice.

"Yes, you are. Whenever I start talking about Blaine you always roll your eyes" he said and stared back at the display of his phone.

"You have no idea how annoying you are" she said and smiled. Blaine was Kurt's first serious boyfriend and they had been dating for a little over five months now.

"I love him" Kurt said.

"Yeah, and I love my pillow" Rachel said sarcastically. But then she saw that Kurt really looked offended.

"Hey, I didn't mean it like that. I'm for you. And Blaine. You two really belong together" she said and extended her hand across the table. Kurt took it and squeezed it.

"I know, diva" he said and then he shoved his phone back into the pocket of his coat.

"How about you? Any new guys?" he asked and smirked.

"Oh no. Men are still the enemy" she said laughingly.

"I am a man" Kurt commented.

"But you're gay. And you're my best friend. So that doesn't count" she said and took another sip of coffee.

"You have a point here" he admitted.

"I know" she replied and smiled.

"But seriously, Rachel, not all guys are like Jesse" he said but Rachel just laughed and shook her head.

"That may be true but I don't need a new guy in my life right now" she said and Kurt nodded understandingly. Two weeks ago Rachel had dated a guy named Jesse and who had been two years older than her. He had been a student at NYADA as well and like a male version of her. The same diva like behavior and the same high ambitions. Rachel wasn't sure whether she had had genuine feeling for him or not but after he had broken up with her she had moved on pretty quickly.

"So, what are we doing tonight? Go out and party?" Kurt asked but Rachel shock her head no.

"I'd rather stay at home and watch a good movie" she said.

"And with good movie you mean Barbra, right?" Kurt said knowingly.

"Funny Girl, to be exact" she smiled.

"It really is a good thing that I love Barbra just as much as you do" he said and rolled his eyes.

"Almost as much" she clarified.

"Almost as much" Kurt confirmed.

* * *

The seats on the plane were narrow and uncomfortable and the snoring man on his left and the girl who was drooling over him on his right weren't helping much. Finn sighed and ran a hand over his head. There used to be a bunch of thick, brown hair but not his skull was almost bare. Cutting his hair was one of the things the army made him do, next to killing people and living far away from his mother and everyone he loved. Since the first day in Iraq he had regretted enlisting. But he didn't have a choice. He had been lazy and didn't have a plan and after not being accepted into college he didn't know what else to do with his life. During senior year he had partied around a lot and hadn't given a damn about school and now he had to pay to price. The girl next to him licked her lips and gave him another one of her lustful stares. She twirled her blonde hair around her finger and shot him a flirty grin but Finn simply didn't find her that attractive. During the entire plane ride she had tried to flirt with him but he just wasn't interested. The last thing he needed right now was a girlfriend. He was on a home leave right now but within three weeks he would go back to Iraq. He didn't know for how much longer he would have to stay there but somehow he wished he wouldn't come home right now. Not that he wasn't overjoyed to see his mother, he was. It would just be so damn hard to leave them again.

* * *

"Finn! Finn, come here" he heard his mother scream as soon as he left the airport.

"Mom!" he exclaimed and he could see his mother running towards him, tear tracks on her cheeks. He tried his hardest not to cry himself as he took his mother into one of his bear hugs.

"Finn, you don't know how glad I am to see you" she said and kissed his cheek.

"I am glad too, mom" he whispered in her hair.

"Let's go. I've cooked your favorite meal for dinner. You still love lasagna, right?" she asked.

"Of course I do. Being in Iraq doesn't change my eating habits!" Finn said and tried to be funny. But none of them laughed. They knew that this reunion was only temporary and Finn felt a heavy stone pushing down on his heart. They walked over to his mother's jeep and Finn was glad that it still carried this familiar scent, like roses and cookies mixed with his mother's perfume.

"How's grandma?" Finn asked as his Carole started the motor.

"She's doing just fine. Her back and knees hurt a little from time to time but all in all she feels pretty well right now" Carole replied and smiled at her son.

"Good" Finn replied. Finn yawned and rubbed his eyes.

"It's ok, honey. You can sleep. I'll wake you up as soon as we're there" she said.

"Thanks, mom" he answered. Then he leant his head back and closed his eyes. He hadn't realized how tired he was until now. A heavy weight kept his eyelids closed and he was asleep within a few minutes.

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**Good? Bad? Continue or not?**

**Please review and tell me what you think :) **


	2. Coming Home

**Here's chapter 2! It is Finn-centered and talks about his time at the army and his current feelings ;) I know that it's not that eventful but I figured that it's necessary for the flow of the story...**

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The apartment looked strange and familiar at the same time. Carole followed him into the apartment and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Are you ok?" she asked concerned. Finn swallowed thickly. No, he wasn't. But he wasn't allowed to cry, not yet. Not in front of his mother. He didn't want her to worry even more than she already did.

"Yeah, I'm fine, mom" he replied and forced himself to smile for her. She smiled back but Finn could see the tears she tried to hide from him. The apartment had barely changed. In the living room, there was still the same worn-out couch next to the more than a decade old armchair of his father. The same heavy, old oak dining table rested next to the kitchen door and the pictures on the walls were still the same, too. Most of them showed Finn, whether it was as a baby or at his graduation. Some of them also showed his mother or grandma and a single one showed a young couple. His parents, almost 20 years ago. Both of them laughed and the love which radiated from this picture was unbelievable.

"Honey, I'm going to lay the table. How about you go and say hi to grandma? I'm sure she's already dying to see you" his mother said with a small smile, then she disappeared into the kitchen. Slowly Finn walked along through the apartment until he reached his grandmother's bedroom. She had lived with them since Finn had been five years old. She had moved in when his father had died to support his mom and Finn was glad that he had her. They didn't have an average grandma-grandson-relationship, theirs was a lot deeper. She had always supported him through everything and she was one of his closest people. She had helped him a lot after he had enlisted for the army. Sure, she hadn't been thrilled about it (in fact, she had cried a lot because of it) but she had supported him nevertheless. She had been the one person in his life who had taught him how to dream and that everyone is special. Finn raised his fist and knocked once twice, before he entered the room. The clacking of knitting needles was the first thing he heard. He turned around and saw his grandma sitting on her bed. Elise Hudson was a rather small woman with grey, curly hair and pretty blue eyes and though her skin was wrinkled she always looked full of life and attention. Right now she had a green ball of wool in her lap and looked at her knitting needles intently.

"Grandma?" Finn asked. She lifted her head and when she spotted Finn, a warm smile spread all over her friendly face.

"Finn, you're home" she said and put the knitting needles aside.

"Yes, I am" he said. Then he walked over to the bed and sat down at the edge of it, next to his grandma.

"I'm so happy to see you, Finn" she said and wrapped her extremely skinny arms around his giant body to hug him.

"I'm happy to see you too. I missed you" Finn said and hugged her back. For one moment he buried his nose in her soft hair and smelled the familiar scent. Somehow grandma's scent and her comforting hug made everything feel better for a short moment.

"My little boy, already a grown man" she said and touched his cheek. Finn smiled at her sadly.

"By the way, mom said dinner's ready" he said and grandma's face lit up

"Then we won't let her wait any longer" she replied and got up. Automatically Finn rushed to her side to support her but she just laughed and pushed his hand aside.

"I may be 82 years old but I'm still able to walk by myself, you know?" she laughed.

"Sorry" Finn mumbled but laughed genuinely. It was the first real laugh since he had arrived at home.

* * *

Dinner passed by rather quiet. Finn enjoyed his mother's lasagna (his mother's cooking was simply the best) but their silence was awkward and none of them knew what to say. Carole and Elise didn't want to mention Iraq because they knew that it was Finn's sensitive spot. They thought that he'd start talking when he felt ready to talk about what happened there and they didn't want to cause him any more pain. Finn, on the other hand, just didn't felt like talking at all right now because he was sure that once he'd start talking he'd burst into tears sooner or later. Everything was just too much right now.

* * *

After dinner Finn said goodnight rather quickly. He practically ran into the bathroom to take a long, hot shower and to wash the long journey from his body. The hot water felt incredible on his skin, especially because at the army camp they only had cold showers. Subconsciously he wanted to wash away the memories of Iraq as well but he knew that that just wasn't possible. After the shower he went over to the sink and stared at himself in the mirror. His face was a lot more angular than it used to be but there were still the same freckles spread all over the bridge of his nose and the expression in his brown eyes war still the same. Finn was relieved that he could find some of his old features because somehow he had been scared that he would literally lose himself and wouldn't find them anymore. Maybe his old self hadn't completely died in Iraq.

He dressed rather quickly and then went into his room. Back when he was a teenager he had thought that this room was tiny but now, after weeks of sleeping in one room with at least 8 other people, he thought that having his own private area was pure luxury. The cowboy wallpaper remembered him of his carefree childhood days when his biggest worry was missing his favorite tv show and finally he allowed himself to cry. He knew that this wasn't manly or something but in the past few months he hadn't been allowed to show any weaknesses and now it just overpowered him. Silent tears rolled down his cheeks as he sat down on his bed. He rolled on his back and stared up at the ceiling, not knowing what to think or to do. He just wanted to close his eyes and forget. But he knew that he had to return eventually. And as much as he didn't want to admit it, he was scared as hell. He closed his eyes and soon fell into a deep slumber full of horrible nightmares about war, explosions and dead people.

* * *

He woke up because he heard a quiet sniffle. His eyes shot open and he sat up in bed, immediately fully awake. That was something he had learned in army training. Always be prepared.

"Shh, honey go back to sleep" a voice whispered.

"Mom?" Finn asked confusedly.

"It's just me" his mother replied and placed a hand on Finn's forehead.

"Are you crying?" Finn asked, looking at his mother in the darkness.

"No" she replied in a shaky voice but Finn could tell that she was.

"It's ok, mom. I'm here now. Please don't cry" he said and rubbed his mother's back in reassuring circles.

"I know" she answered, a sob escaping her lips.

"What's bothering you? You can tell me, mom" he said. He could hear his mother taking a few deep breaths before she spoke.

"I'm so scared, Finn. I don't want to lose you" she said and looked up at him.

"You won't lose me" he said.

"I know that you have to go back in three weeks. Promise me that you'll take care of yourself. Be careful. I need you and grandma needs you" she said, pulling him in for a hug.

"I love you, mom" he said, holding back his own tears.

"I love you, too, honey. So much" she replied, pressing a kiss to his cheek and smiling at him sadly.

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**Next chapter: Finn and Rachel will finally meet *yay* - it will most likely be up on Friday :)**

**Please review! xoxo**


	3. Meeting in the Moonlight

**Here's chapter 3 :)**

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Rachel laid in her bed, unable to fall asleep. Was it the full moon? Or did the street noise just seem louder tonight? Normally she was so stressed out from school that when she went to bed she was asleep instantly. But now she had vacation and there was no stress and she wasn't tired at all. She tossed and turned around in bed, trying to keep her eyes closed but failed miserably. She sighed and reached for her phone. 2:30 am. Rachel moaned and tossed the covers aside, suddenly unable to stay in bed. She went over to the window and looked down on the always busy streets. New York was so different compared to the lousy small town she came from. Lima, Ohio. Rachel would associate the worst years of her life with this place. The bullying at school, the nasty looks she had gotten when she had been walking around with her two gay dads (people in Lima hadn't tolerated gay people at all) and the rumors that had been spread about her. According to some of them Rachel had been pregnant during her sophomore year but had aborted the baby so no one would know about it which was total bull crap. Rachel had never been pregnant. In fact, she was still a virgin so it wasn't even possible. The only good thing that had come out of this had been Kurt. Other than that Rachel just had horrible memories whenever she thought about Lima.

Here in New York everything was different, positively different. Here she was a part of the crowd which was a lot better than being the freak everyone made fun of. But she didn't plan on staying that unknown for long. She would finish her studies at NYADA and then she'd become a big Broadway star, just like her idol Barbra and she'd prove that she wasn't a freak and that she had more talent than everyone else. A smile spread on Rachel's face as she thought about the bright future she had ahead of herself. Then she lifted her head and looked up into the sky. The moon shone down on her brightly and it was almost as if it was smiling at her directly. Rachel really liked the moon because it had something subtle and a little mysterious which fascinated her.

And suddenly Rachel couldn't stand it in the apartment any longer. She removed her nightgown quickly and changed into a t-shirt and jeans. Then she started rummaging in her drawer until she found what she was looking for. Her moon diary. It was a tiny, blue booklet which contained many drawings of the moon. Rachel had always been a decent painter (not as good as singer though). The drawings in the book were all pretty simple, just pencil and no color and many of them were the results of many nights at a certain place. This place a little dock at the Hudson River from which you had a wonderful view of the Brooklyn Bridge, several parts of New York and the river of course. It was one of Rachel's favorite places to be all around New York. She usually went there at night because then she was alone there. Careful not to wake Kurt she tiptoed out of the apartment.

* * *

Finn laid in his bed and tried to forget the nightmares but it didn't work. His mother had left the room about half an hour ago and now he laid there and couldn't prevent the horrible memories from floating through his mind. The worst thing was the dead people. Finn often felt like a murderer because yes, he had shot people in Iraq. Sure, they had been terrorists and probably would've killed many more people if he hadn't shot them but they were humans nevertheless.

When he had been younger he had heard of soldiers who indeed had survived war but they had been broken when they had returned home. Their souls had been destroyed and they had needed psychological help for the rest of their lives. Finn hadn't really believed that because for him, soldiers had always symbolized braveness and heroism. But since he had been in Iraq himself and had experienced how it felt he was scared that the memories of war would never leave him ever again. He ran a hand through his hair and his glance wandered across the room until it stopped at a picture on his nightstand. He took the frame into his hands and stared at it for a while. It showed a small dock. In the background there was the skyline of New York and Finn was one hundred percent sure that he knew this place. He had been there a few times, either alone or with friends. It sure was a nice place, perfect to relax and in summer you could put your feet into the water easily. He didn't know how this picture ended up on his nightstand or who had taken it but something just pulled him towards this place right now. And since he needed a distraction anyway he just got out of bed and changed quickly into his shirt and pants.

* * *

Rachel heard the crashing of the waves and closed her eyes. It was a beautiful night today. The moon was clearly visible and Rachel had just finished one of her best moon drawings. The city noises weren't that striking out there and she very much enjoyed the almost-silence. Sure, she usually loved attention and she loved being around people but sometimes she just needed to be alone. Time and space to think. A cool breeze made her shiver and then she heard the steps. Her eyes shot open and she turned around. She saw the black silhouette of a _very _tall person walking along the dock. A cold chill ran down her spine and Rachel felt fear creeping up inside her. New York sure was dangerous at night, she had just never thought about that. This place was so secluded that rarely anyone knew about it, let alone visited it at night. But if this person was a rapist? Or worse, a murderer? From what she saw now, this person was a fairly muscular man and it kept walking towards her. For one second she thought about just jumping into the water but it certainly was freezing cold and the stream was too fast. Her gaze wandered wildly but there was nothing she could do. If this person really wanted to harm her she was helpless at his mercy so she just pressed her eyelids together and hoped that he wouldn't do anything to her. She heard the steps coming closer and closer towards her and then…

"Are you okay?" a warm and concerned voice asked. Rachel opened her eyes slowly and was met by the gaze of two beautiful cinnamon eyes. Concern was spread all over the face of the young man standing in front of her. He had cute freckles spread over the bridge of his nose and on his head he had just a very thin layer of hair. Rachel was used to people being taller than her but this man brought the word to a completely new level.

"Y-yes of course. Why wouldn't I?" Rachel stammered and felt herself blushing. His mouth twitched into a lopsided grin and Rachel found it adorable.

"Because you had your eyes pinched shut and it looked as if you were in pain or something" he replied. Rachel ducked her head down, suddenly ashamed of her previous thoughts about him being a murderer.

"I was j-just scared" she said and blushed even more. God, Rachel Berry never, never stuttered.

"Of me?" he asked, looking down at her.

"Yes" Rachel replied ashamed. But then Rachel heard a beautiful sound. An infectious laugh. She couldn't help but smile a little herself.

"Ok, I'm not going to do anything to you. But I understand what you mean. I mean New York isn't exactly harmless, especially at night" he said. Then he went over to the edge of the dock and sat down.

"Care to join me?" he asked and patted the space next to himself. Rachel laughed and walked over to him, sitting down carefully. Then she noticed her moon diary still laying there. She picked it up and placed it in her lap.

"I'm Finn Hudson, by the way" he said and looked at her again with these mesmerizing cinnamon eyes.

"Rachel Berry" she replied. Then she tore her gaze away from him again and looked down into the water.

"Do you come here often?" Finn asked.

"Every now and then. It's so peaceful and quiet here, it puts me at ease, you know? And I like the moon. Sometimes I draw it" she said and then she handed her blue booklet over to him.

"What's that?" he asked and the confusion on his face was just so cute.

"It's my moon dairy. Like I said, I sometimes draw the moon" she repeated. Finn opened the booklet slowly and looked at every page intently, every now and then running his fingers over the drawings.

"You're very talented" he said as he handed the booklet back to her.

"Thank you. But I don't really draw that much. Actually these are pretty much my only drawings. Singing is my passion" Rachel replied.

"Singing?" Finn asked, sounding interested.

"Yes. I am a student at NYADA and I want to become an actress later" Rachel explained.

"Broadway?" Finn asked.

"Yeah" Rachel replied, nodding wildly.

They continued talking for a little while until Rachel started yawning. She tried to fight the sudden tiredness because she just didn't want to stop talking to him but she was powerless against her heavy eyelids.

"Ok, I guess I should go home again" she said, yawning once more.

"Of course. I mean, it's like 4 in the morning or something" he replied. They both stood up, looking into each other's eyes.

"I'd love to see you again, Rachel" he said. Rachel felt her cheeks starting to burn.

"I want to see you again, too" she replied. Then she grabbed her booklet and tore a piece of paper out of it. With her pencil she scribbled down her phone number (adding three tiny stars to it) and handed it over to him.

"Call me" she said. Then she turned around, leaving a speechless Finn at the edge of the dock.

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**Ok, I'll admit that it was cheesy with the moon and the dock and stuff. But I wanted them to meet at a special place, not just an ordinary coffee shop or something. I hope it wasn't too much cheesiness :)**

**And as always: Please review! Thanks**


	4. The Morning After

**Chapter 4 :) **

**And because I was asked: Finn and Rachel both live in New York in this story. I'm sorry I didn't clarify that in one of the previous chapters :(**

* * *

Finn stood there and the piece of paper burnt in his hand. Rachel walked down the dock and stared after her dumbfounded. There was something about her. Finn couldn't describe it but there was something. Something that made him want to know all about this Rachel girl. And Geez, she was beautiful. Finn didn't even know that he was into brunettes but apparently that was the case. But the most beautiful thing about her were her eyes. Those deep, chocolate brown eyes which had mesmerized him all the time and which had sparkled when she had talked about Broadway. Finn couldn't help but stare after her in awe. But then Rachel disappeared around a corner and reality hit him. He couldn't go on a date with her. Impossible. He wasn't allowed to have a girlfriend, let alone fall in love. Not now. Not as long as he had to go to Iraq. Currently war in Iraq was extremely dangerous und let's face it: his life was permanently endangered. And if he had a girlfriend this girl would be worried all the time and he couldn't do that to anyone. Of course he wanted to have a family, a wife and a few kids but he wasn't allowed to think about that now. Maybe when his duty was over. But there was this piece of paper in his hand with a number and three tiny stars. Rachel Berry. Finn didn't know why but he had a feeling that this girl wouldn't leave his life anytime soon.

* * *

Rachel entered the apartment with a grin spread all over her face. It was 6 am and Rachel felt weird. Weird in a positive way. A warm feeling flowed through her body and looked at her phone every two minutes to check whether she got a new text or a missed call. Finn had been so kind and sweet and he had the most adorable lopsided grin she had ever seen. Rachel just knew that their encounter had been something special. She sighed and walked through the apartment. She was just about to enter her room as…

"Stop right there, diva" said a very familiar voice. With a grin Rachel turned around and looked at a smirking Kurt.

"Good morning to you, too" Rachel said.

"Where have you been?" Kurt asked, still grinning madly. This question surprised her because actually Kurt knew about her nighttime excursions.

"At the dock, as always" she replied, unable to wipe the smile from her face.

"You weren't at the dock" Kurt said and walked towards her.

"What would make you think that?" Rachel asked.

"Rachel, I know you. You behave different. You're grinning nonstop and you're even more crazy than usual. So spill it, where have you been? And don't even try to fool me" he said and looked at her challengingly.

"Oh Kurt" Rachel squealed, threw her arms around him and hugged him tightly.

"Okaaay…" Kurt said and patted her back. Rachel pulled back and a giggly sound escaped her lips.

"I may have been at the dock last night and I may have met a very attractive and kind man" she said and rolled her eyes. Kurt jumped up and clapped his hands together.

"Tell me everything" he demanded.

"There isn't much to tell. I was at the dock, he was at the dock, we talked, end of story" Rachel said. Kurt growled.

"Rachel Barbra Berry, I want details" he said and gave Rachel a warning glare.

"I don't know, Kurt. I talked to him once and I think that he's nice. Maybe he won't even call" she said, secretly praying that Finn would call her sometime soon.

"You gave him your number?" Kurt asked with wide eyes.

"Yeah, so what?" Rachel said and shrugged.

"I remember you telling me just yesterday that men were, I quote, "the enemy"" Kurt grumbled.

"Geez, Kurt. Just because I gave him my number doesn't mean that he's my boyfriend now" Rachel replied. Then she turned around and disappeared in her room. Kurt still stood and snickered quietly. He just knew that Rachel wasn't as nonchalant about this as she pretended to be.

* * *

Finn laid on his bed and played with his phone absentmindedly. Rachel didn't leave his head. Her number was on the pillow next to him and he didn't know what to do right now. He was a damn soldier on home leave and Rachel had practically invited him to take her on a date. The funny thing was that everything in him really wanted to. Everything except for a tiny part somewhere in the back of his mind which told him that it was a completely idiotic thing to do. It wouldn't be fair, not for him and not for Rachel. He moaned deeply and rolled onto the other side. The chaos in his mind right now was indescribable. Less than 12 hours ago he had been a more or less depressed soldier and now his world was turned upside down. He closed his eyes but then he heard the door being opened and steps walking towards his bed.

"Finn?" the soft voice of his grandma asked.

"Hm?" Finn replied. Elise sat down at the edge of his bed and ran a hand over his back.

"Are you okay?" she asked concerned.

"Yes. No. I don't know. Why?" he asked, sounding confused.

"I heard you leaving the apartment last night. I was worried but I didn't want to interfere into your business" she said.

"It is…it's just…" he started but then Elise found the piece of paper on the pillow next to Finn.

"What's that?" she asked and took it.

"Grandma, that's private" he said and took the piece out of her hand.

"You're right. I'm sorry. But if you want to talk about whatever is bothering you I'm here for you. Sometimes an advice from your old Grandma isn't the worst, you know?" she said and winked at him. Finn wanted to smile. He wanted to smile for her desperately but he couldn't. He felt…broken. He tried to prevent the tears from falling but failed. He felt the first one rolling down his cheek and he buried his face in his hands. Elise wrapped her arms around him and hugged him comfortingly.

"It's ok, honey" she whispered.

"No, it's not. Nothing's ok, grandma. I don't want to go to Iraq again. I'm so scared. He saw people dying and I killed people myself. I have nightmares all the time and I'm so scared that I'll never ever be able to forget that. And last night I just couldn't fall asleep because of them and I just had to go outside. I went to a dock, don't ask why, and there I met a girl. Her name's Rachel Berry and…"

"So this is about a girl?" Elise asked and looked at him.

"Kind of. I mean I just met her and we didn't speak that much but she gave me her number and grandma, I want to see her again. I want to so badly. But I can't" he said, collapsing on the bed.

"Oh Finn. I understand" she said and squeezed his hand quickly.

"I can't date anyone as long as I'm on duty and my life's just so messed up" he said, rubbing his neck in frustration.

"Your life isn't messed up. It's just a little chaotic right now. But I know that you'll get through this. I know that you're strong enough to survive in Iraq and I believe in you. I know that you'll make me and your mom so proud, in fact you already do. And you'll get the pieces of your life together eventually. Your such a talented, handsome young man and I'm so proud to be your grandma" she said and smiled at him. He just reached up and held onto her like a lifeline.

"Thank you" he whispered. Elise patted his back comfortingly and kissed his cheek.

"And because of the girl: who says that you can't have friends? And your life will continue after duty" she said.

"You're right. It's just so hard to believe right now" he replied.

"I know. Now how about you and I go downstairs and prepare breakfast for your mom just like we did it before you left?" she asked and winked at him.

"Yeah, why not?" Finn replied, a tiny smile tugging on his lips.

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**I personally love Finn and Elise's relationship :D**

**Next chapter will be up on Tuesday or Wednesday. **

**And as always: Please review!**


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